Monday, 1 April 2013


i have decided it is time to share with the world the list of dancing instructions i wrote for me and isabel to follow in aid of chairty two years ago. taken down rigorously from fatboy slim's 'praise you' video, we reenacted it drunk to a room of about 13 people, who, after being so thoroughly entertained, sat bemused and unsure of why to 'bid' on such a spectacle.*
*it was a human charity auction or whatever the hell 

we are now embarking on a routine to the song 'poison' (bell biv devoe), if anyone has any suggestions they'd be appreciated since youtube has a lot of muddled original choreography that is a bit too amateur for our tastes.

Rise from foetal position with arms open
Hands in air for a second
Make like you are dancing with yourself one arm on chest other arm leading from left to right
Get excited with that move it gets more energetic
Jeer the crowd
Kick in comes: jump in the air like a ballerina trying to fly
Do it again but this time backwards, crouch every time you land
Making like you are dancing with yourself again but running in a circle
Backwards fish in circle
Put arms over head so that backwards fish goes in opposite backward direction
One arm on chest other in air (like Hitler) get loose and jumpy (remain in circle)
Classic disco aeroplane in circle formation 
A sort of boogie, main man may do a few thrusts 
Crouch on one knee (engagement position) with arms crossed and nod head like G man
asshole turns up and turns off the boom box - possibly incorporate this
Jump on the asshole like a koala 
Run around like you have lost control of legs
Spin on one arm
Make like when count Olaf is a dinosaur on a series of unfortunate events
Stand in line quietly shaking foot
Wave right arm in Mexican wave style
Wave left arm in Mexican wave style

Ninja style jump and crouch battle between two dancing people
Kick legs alternately in front of yourself while throwing arms in the air
Jump and pretend to be lifted by the host
Finish like a space ship is opening all of its sides

learn it, you have no idea how good this is to pull out in bad clubs, it both repels and attracts snogs, it allows u to lose yourself in the 4 minutes sandwiched between florence welch's 'youve got the love' and any of calvin harris' similar sounding colabs

(pictured above: live stills from routine)

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